We are the Jedi Knights who say
by Yogie
Summary: The Phantom Menace meets Monthy Python


We are the Jedi Knights who say …

King Arthur and his merry men were on their quest for the Holy Hyperdrive Module. They were just crossing through a Wood on Naboo when suddenly a group of men in dark robes blocked their way.

King Arthur: I am King Arthur, king of the Brits! And who might you be, dear Sirs?

Qui-Gon: You are trespassing on our planet! You must pay a sacrifice for that! For we are the Jedi Knight who say 'May the Force be with you!

King Arthur: Oh nooo, not those Knights!

Mace Windu: Yes, the same! And may the Force be with you!

(King Arthur and his knights cringe)

King Arthur: AAARRRG, no, not the knights who say …

Obi-Wan: May the Force be with you!

Sir Lancelot: No, please, gentle knights, you can't … we need to pass through the planet core to find the Holy Hyperdrive Module. What kind of sacrifice do you require? We'll do ANYTHING!

Master Yoda: The knights we be, saying we do The Force with you may be!

Obi-Wan: The Force with you _maybe_?

Qui-Gon: No, Padawan, May the Force be with you!

Sir Galahad: AAARRRGGGG (rolls on the ground, holds hands to his ears)

King Arthur: PLEASE, mighty knights, do not harm us any further with that dreadful cliché phrase!

Obi-Wan: May the Force be with you?

Mace Windu: May the Force be with you!

Master Yoda: The Force with … eh, MAY-THE-FORCE-BE-WITH-YOU! (Sighs I relief to have gotten it right this time)

King Arthur (Grimaces, moans): NO, FAIR KNIGHTS…

(Obi-Wan to Qui-Gon: 'Fair'? I don't think so! [looks at Qui-Gon lustfully])

King Arthur: A sacrifice! What is it you desire???

(Jedi huddle together and discuss terms of passage)

Qui-Gon: For starters, we want some Fuzzy Bunny Slippers!

Sir Lancelot: Fuzzy Bunny Slippers?

Master Yoda: Yes, Bunny slippers, fuzzy they must be!

Mace Windu: Iunno, after a day of battling Sith in these spiffy, yet stiff field boots our feet are really aching!

Qui-Gon: AND you will have to answer our 5 question!

King Arthur (kneels in front of the Jedi): I know you knights to be just …

(Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan: Are you _just_ as horny as I am?)

King Arthur: … and we really need to find the Holy Hyperdrive Module …

Master Yoda: With holes the module is? Why seek it then you do?

Obi-Wan: No, he means HOLY, not hole-y!

King Arthur: … so ask away with your Questions! We are not afraid!

Mace Windu: May the Force be with you then! //I just always wanted to say that!//

(All of King Arthur's knights are on their knees now, plainly in agony!)

Sir Galahad (hands over his ears): Oh good Lord…!

Master Yoda: Lord? A Sith Lord there is? Where?

Qui-Gon: No, Master Yoda, he means God!

Yoda: HO! Mean I do 'oh!'

King Arthur (begging): WILL YOU PLEASE GET BLOODY ON WITH IT???

Qui-Gon: Very well, I just hope that the Force…

(EVERYBODY): AARRGHHRRGGG!

Qui-Gon: How many Sith does it take to screw in a light bulb?

King Arthur: Uh, two? There can be only two Sith at any one time!

Qui-Gon: What is the color of my saber? _Light_ saber that is!

Obi-Wan: Well, pretty RED When it's fully extended! (HEHEHE)

(Qui-Gon throws a dirty look at Obi-Wan)

King Arthur: Well, since your eyes are blue and the complimentary color of blue is green, I'd have to say green!

Mace Windu: Why is it that as the leader of the Jedi Council I only have some 20 lines of script in the 'The Phantom Menace', whereas certain other mavericks get all the plum scenes? (Throws dirty look at Qui-Gon who just shrugs)

King Arthur: See, gracious knight, as Lucas the Creator foresees it you are an emerging character and will have a large part in Episode II!

(Qui-Gon throws dirty look at Mace //And I'll be but a Blue Ghostie , humph!//)

Obi-wan: Will I get to shag the Queen of Naboo in Episode II? (//So there, Qui-Gon!//)

Sir Lancelot: You mean like in the classic tale where I get it on with Queen Guenivere? 

(King Arthur throws dirty look at Lance)

Obi-Wan: Uh yeah, sorta!

(King Arthur huddles together with his knights)

King Arthur: No!

Master Yoda: Anakin, played by whom he will?

King Arthur (looks at Jedi in despair): Leonardo DiCapreo? Josh Harnett? Jonathan Zack Taylor??? [ insert whomever]???

All Jedi: **Oh Gods, may the Force be with us!**

King Arthur: But fair knights, there is no answer to that kind of question? Only the Mighty Lucas will know !

Mace Windu: That Lucas, is he a Sith? For I swear with only 20 line to say in Episode I …

Sir Lancelot: No, dear Jedi, a Sith he is not, just the Creator!

Master Yoda: Well, Arthur king, failed you have the fifth question!

Qui-Gon: For that not only we demand fuzzy bunny slippers, they must be _pink_ fuzzy bunny slippers!

Mace Windu: Yes, pink they must be!

King Arthur: Of course!

Obi-Wan: And very fuzzy!!

King Arthur: Oh yes, as they should be, fair Knights!

Qui-Gon: And not too _cheap_!

King Arthur: Of course not! We shall seek to get your slippers right away!

Qui-Gon: Good, then go. And may the Force …

Sir Lancelot (drags Kind Arthur away from the Jedi): Please stop it! We ARE going!

(King Arthur and company leave in search of some pink fuzzy bunny slippers)

Will they succeed in their quest not only to find the Holy Hyperdrive Module but also those abominable slippers? 

We shall see …


End file.
